Several weeks ago we had the privilege of eating at the Blanchtown Pub, a small hostelery about two hours north of Adelaide. We were on our way to Renmark where Liesa had two days weekend work.
Now Blanchtown is a small country town located on a very busy road so we thought that it was a resonable bet for a nice bub meal. How wrong we were. As a result of our experience there we have decided to inaugurate a new method of classifyng eating establishments. In short it is the tattoo. If you meat all of the criteria by which the Blanchtown pub is known and justly famous then you receive 10 tattoo.
Here are the criteria,
Cuisine, entertainment, atmosphere, service and environment.
Cusine -Â The more sparse the fare the more the tattoos. Schnizel, chips (frozen especially) lumpy mash, grissly roast and tough steak all rate extra points. I have to say in all fairness that I was able to actualy consume some of the powdery chips and several small portions of the gristle that passed as steak. The rancid butter made up for the edibility of the “steak”.
Entertainment – Chook raffles always go down well, especially with vocal patrons who utter inarticulate interjections as their name is called. Also bingo with decrepit wooden balls is a big winner.
Atmosphere – bare tables with remains of several days dining, moist carpet (from the spillt beer) and buggs falling into the meal from the bug zapper are a definite winner. The patrons can almost constitute a category by themselves. Strong family resemblances help, and multiple relationships per family member both contribute. If the entire pub clientel (except for the tourists) appear to have the same family features then you are in to the semis without dropping a set.
Service – If the waitress is picking her nose at the table you are on to a winner immediately. In our case the tattoos were earnt when we had to wait an hour and a half for our meals. Surly disposition and insulting behaviour all add to the experience.
Finally environment. For this you need a musty smell, rancid fatty smell from the kitchen which are all good. Dirty walls and ceiling, local TV and/or Keeno on the 17″ TV add to the score. Any appearance of a plasma or LCD TV detract but add points if the aspect ratio is incorrect and if they are all tuned to some looser sports program like WWF with the sound above the threshold of pain, especially if it is mingled with the local country music station.
Blanchtown pub needless to say gets full marks in every category and receives the complete compliment of ten tattoos.
Conclusion – avoid at all costs. Starvation seems to me a perfectly reasonable alternative.